5 Important Qualities that Every Christian Woman Should Want in a Husband

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Some women today, including myself, have the future husband list. This list consists of all the qualities and sometimes physical traits that we desire in a husband.  I began writing my list when I was in middle school, and as I became older, my list has gone through several revisions. I’ve noticed that as women we become so fixated with every single detail on this list especially when it comes to the physical traits. Some may want a man that has a six pack and is at least six-feet tall.  It’s nothing wrong with desiring these things but they should not be deal breakers. Deal breakers are things that you fail to compromise no matter what.  

Actually I think it is very imperative for a single woman to write a future-husband list because it allows us to think and write down what we will and will not accept from a man. In  Habakkuk 2:2 it says,” And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.”  Write down what you desire in a mate.  I have listed five deal breakers that should be on every Christian woman’s list.  

Christian-The first item on the list is that they should be a Christian. I’ve already spoken on this topic in previous articles, so I won’t go into much explanation on this quality. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, it says,” Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” Moreover, if your boyfriend or fiancé is a practicing Buddhist or Muslim, it would be wise to end the relationship.

Godly-The second item on the list is that the person should be godly.  There are individuals today who claim they are Christians, but yet they do not live a godly lifestyle.   In other words, they claim the Christian title, but do not live according to the word of God.

Possess the Fruits of the Spirit-The third item is that the person should possess the fruits of the spirit. In Galatians 5: 22-23, it discusses nine attributes of a true Christian which are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.  Why are fruits of the spirit important? I will illustrate why with this example.  When we look at an apple tree, we expect the tree to produce apples. If it doesn’t produce apples, but instead produces pears, it is no longer called an apple tree.  When a person says they are saved or a Christian, but does not produce the fruits of the spirit, then they are not who they claim to be.  Remember whatever is in you will eventually come to light.  If you claim the title of being a Christian and live according to the word, the fruits of the spirit will be evident.  Yes all of us may not be perfected or mature in all of the fruits of the spirit, but that is why we need to continue to grow in grace and perfect our faith. 

Committed or Devoted to You-The fourth item on the list is someone who is committed or devoted to you. You do not want someone who has a wondering eye or just simply acts like they do not know what they want.  Abraham was very committed to Sarah even though she could not have children. He could have thrown in the towel and said, “Forget this and forget you, Sarah. I am through.” No he was committed to God and therefore he was committed to Sarah. You do not want someone who is going to leave you when situations get rough. Joseph was another good example of a young man that was committed to Mary. At this time, it was said that he was espoused or contracted to marry Mary. In those days, a woman could have been stoned for being pregnant and not married. (Deut 22: 23) He could have worried about what others said about him and left her, but no he stood by her. In Matthew 1:19, it says, “Then Joseph her husband being a just man and not willing to make her a publik example, was minded to put her away privily.” How do you know if this person is going to be committed to you? Observe how they treat you.  Are they committed to you before you are married?            

Respect for Women-The fifth item on the list is respect for women. Listen to the way a man talks about other women. A man is not going to come out and say that he doesn’t respect a woman. This is why you have to read between the lines.  Pay attention to how he treats his mother and other females in his family. 

I would caution you not to become so caught up in the physical traits of the person because I personally feel it limits you from getting to know someone who may not be exactly what you have on that list physically. For example, you may have on your list that you want someone who is dark skin, but then if someone who is of a lighter complexion wants to get to know you, you may dismiss them as not being a potential mate. My advice is to be open when it comes to the physical traits of potential guys. I recently heard a testimony of a woman who said that she always loved dark skin men.  Those were the only types of guys that she dated. Well, the Lord sent a light skin man in her life whom she ended up falling in love with and marrying.  

If you haven’t started writing your list, these are five qualities that you can write down.  There are more deal-breakers that you can add. When making this list, be honest with yourself. For example if you want to have children in the future and that is something that is very important to you add that “they must want children”. After you have completed your list, I want you to reevaluate those traits that you want in a spouse and ask God to help you grow in those areas as well. For example, if you wrote down that you want someone who possess the fruits of the spirit, ask God to help mature you in this area.  We want the husband to be this amazing Godly person, but we have to make sure that we are ready to be that wife that God has destined us to be.

Your Sister in Christ,